I Would Be The Best Prime Minister

I would be the best prime minister.

I’m really good at making promises and then not keeping them. I know how to make people think the world is changing while the constant oppression continues in a similar but different format.

I’m really good at saying sorry and then not doing anything. I know precisely how to answer questions about the issues in a way that simply restates the question.

I know how to make people feel bad about criticizing me by using versatile words like ‘Un-Australian’ and ‘unpatriotic’. I know how to pretend to be a million different things to appeal to everyone while secretly hating them all.

I can backstab, lie and order soldiers to a war the people who elected me don’t believe in. I know how to make it seem like I advocate peace when I withdraw from one conflict that everyone knows about, all the while sending troops to a country I’ve never been to or had any relations with.

I can kiss any nations ass and call it diplomacy. I can call soldiers peacekeepers and have them approved by a international body that’s sole duty is to uphold peace.

I can swear and try to make it seem accidental and Australian, both encouraging it’s practice and improving my standing in the polls.

I’m also really good at making sure the two main parties of the government will always been at one another’s throat.

I can make myself appear young by comparing myself to older, more experienced opponents.

In fact, I can do absolutely nothing.

Vote for me. You’ve done it a million times before.

Quote of the Post!

‘Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons’

Bertrand Russel

Breathe, Dammit!

We need to revive this glorious dying child.

Ok, well… I’ve been home sick for the last 3 days…

And over this time, I have watched a movie every day.

Tuesday – Sin City
Wednesday – The Fifth Element
Thursday – Children of Men

My favorite was definitely “Children of Men”. It was just so… Gah, fucking good.
There is no other way to put it. There was a shot in the movie that went for about 6 minutes… It was fucking insane.

The worst was “The Fifth Element”. Apart from the Space Chick and Chris Tucker being a metrosexual radio presenter… It was fucking lame.

And “Sin City” is just fucking badass.

Also, a disturbing discovery… The Fifth Element starred Bruce Willis. Children of Men starred Clive Owen. And Sin City Starred Clive Owen & Bruce Willis.

Conspiracy?!
Of course it is.

Now, readers… Tell me who you think the most attractive out of Clive Owen and Bruce Willis.
Honestly? I would have a fucking Threesome with them.

OH! And because we do quotes and shit now…
“Oh, yes. You see, you’re one of the morons I’ve been fighting my whole life. My whole fucking life. But guess what… Today, I win.”
-Osbourne Cox (John Malkovich), Burn After Reading (2008)

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Anaconda-da-da-da-da…..

So today I am off to anaconda as they are dumping forty tonnes of snow in the carpark. I know right? Wtffff???? Shall be fun…
In other news, free dress day was successful, with every second person asking in a footy meat voice, “why are you wearing a pirate hat?? Uhhhh footy…” and myself replying multiple times, “why are you not wearing a pirate hat?” and then, “cuz I’m not gay, footyyyy!!!!! *showers with other players and slaps other players arses*” so yes, overall the free dress day lived up to the hype.
Well as I am currently watching rage and good music is on, I shall leave you and dance. Till next time!

*copies jon*

“it’s okay to have a little puff or a little prick or a bit of this stuff” (Father Dave)

There’s a Turbo?

According to WordPress, there’s a Turbo way to blog. My curiousity peaked, I’ve decided to investigate. Turns out…

WordPress TURBO! ALLOWS FASTER PAGE LOAD TIMES SO I KEEP BLOGGING WITH THE BEST OF THEM!

Live it. Write it. Blog it. WordPress Turbo.

———-

Me and Tom decided today that school would be unbeneficial to our healthy social life. So we fucked off! ^_^

Unfortunately, I only realized my mum was home when I was standing in the center of the house and she was interrogating me in a manner similar to one seen in The Dark Knight. I convinced her I was after homework, grabbed Tom (who was hiding around the street corner because he seems to always know where my mum is) and headed to his place. Tom managed to disable all of the security devices surrounding his house, including the Decepiticons and the Tomb of Horus, both of which involved reading from the forgotten language of Yevanic.

Once inside, Tom saw fit to tell me his Dad says he comes home around twelve. Cue the paranoia.

BUT

His Dad didn’t come home, I watched Fight Club, we chillaxed a bunch, I started and finished my RE and sent it to the teacher in a hour and we fucked around on the internet (and the bed )

POSSIBLY THE BEST DAY EVER?!

‘It is a miracle that curiousity survives formal education’

Albert Einstein